I love this little cheesy song

The day I first met you

You told me you'd never fall in love

But now that I get you

I know fear is what it really was
Now here we are, so close

Yet so far, haven't I passed the test?

When will you realize

Baby, I'm not like the rest
Don't wanna break your heart

I wanna give your heart a break

I know you're scared it's wrong

Like you might make a mistake

There's just one life to live

And there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break

Your heart a break
Oh, yeah yeah
On Sunday, you went home aloneThere were tears in your eyesI called your cell phone, my loveBut you did not reply
The world is ours, if you want it

We can take it, if you just take my hand

There's no turning back now

Baby, try to understand
Don't wanna break your heart

Wanna give your heart a break

I know you're scared it's wrong

Like you might make a mistake

There's just one life to live

And there's no time to waste, to waste
So let me give your heart a break

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break

Your heart a break

There's just so much you can take

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break

Your heart a break
Oh, yeah yeah
When your lips are on my lipsAnd our hearts beat as one

But you slip right out of my fingertips

Every time you run, whoa
Don't wanna break your heart

Wanna give your heart a break

I know you're scared it's wrong

Like you might make a mistake

There's just one life to live

And there's no time to waste, to waste

So let me give your heart a break
Cuz you've been hurt beforeI can see it in your eyesYou try to smile it awaySome things, you can't disguiseDon't wanna break your heartBaby, I can ease the ache, the ache
So, let me give your heart a break

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break

Your heart a break

There's just so much you can take

Give your heart a break

Let me give your heart a break

Your heart a break
Oh yeah,yeah
The day I first met you

You told me you'd never fall in love

A New Year a New Love

When choosing a New Years resolution I wanted to think about little things that would better my life.  Instead of one big thing like most people, ie loose weeight, quit smoking, save money, ect.  I am choosing a few small things I think I can really accomplish and would make me enjoy life in Utah more. 
2011 braught one amazing person into my life.  Adam is wonderfully smart and silly and I am a sucker for his big green eyes and huge smile.  So I don't have to worry about dating in the new year.  If all goes to my plan I will be ending it the way it began.... with a kiss from Adam.
Okay enough gushy stuff.  Lets begin with my first resolution:
1:  To be more silly.
Although my extensive maturity level has helped me to move up in my career at a young age I want to tap into the old Rena.  The girl that does Jim Carey impressions, sings Disney songs, and dances to Backstreet Boys.  So in 2012 I would like to take an improv class, or actually watch the cheesy comedies that I have been avoiding for years.  I blame Wes Anderson.  His dry witty movies changed the way I thought about comdey.  But I related to his films.  I often feel like my life can be a scene from The Royal Tenenbaums.  Just plain awkward.  It is time to be more spontanious.

2.  Ride my bike more.
Salt Lake is rated #8 in the top 10 US cities to live without a car.  We have plenty of bike lanes, wide streets, and you can take your bike on the train.  So why is my bike just sitting in my apartment.  Well at the moment it has a flat tire.  Which I got the third time I rode it this summer and never had it replaced.  Biking is great excersize and good physical theropy for my knees.  I would bike to work but I only live 2 blocks and with the one way streets it is actually faster to walk.  So come spring.  I will bike everyday.  At least a mile.  Cause even on a busy day I should be able to fit a mile bike ride in.  Wow this sounds like a commitment.  This will most likely be the hardest resolution for me.

3.  Go to more Real Salt Lake games.
When I first moved here a went to RSL (soccer) games at tha rice eccles statium.  And for someone who has never liked sports... I was hooked.  The excitement in the crowd.  The culture.  The feild.  I love it all.  I now have 2 jersey's, a lanyard, a hat, and socks.  This past 2011 season I didnt go to a single game.  I love there new Rio Tinto stadium and find the games a good change of pace from working so much.  I want to watch the Chiva's and the LA Galaxy.  I want to cheer for Olave, Williams, and Beckerman.  Come on Real Come on!

So this is my plan.  Sounds fun and challenging.  I think if I can stick to these 3 resolutions I will be happy in 2012.  3 little changes that can better my mind, body, and spirit.

All I want for Christmas is you... and presents

Every year I take advantage  of all the great deals around the holidays to pick up a few things I want or need.  Last year I got myself a jewelry armoire and some much needed winter clothes.  This I got myself a tablet.  To help with work.  My laptop is just too heavy and large to carry in my purse.  And I got a sweet deal, a Pandigital Multimedia Novel 2GB 7" Touchscreen Tablet Android w/Barnes & Noble, for only $82!!! Merry Christmas to me.    So if my income was greater and I could buy everything I wanted it would look like this.  I guess this is my christmas list.......

• A new Matress
• A real camera (not connected to a phone)
• A trip - vegas, oregon, anywhere
• Gift cards - I love  H & M, crate and barrel, etc
• Chocolate diamonds - my new favorite jewelry trend
• An add on closet from Ikea - I need more storage

Adam and I decorated my tree to get in the holiday spirit.  And I made a matching chandelier.  The tree looks so trendy and cool.  I think this will be a good christmas.

Selfish or smart?

I have learned about someone being pregnant every week for the last month. Seriously I can name 6 People expecting right now. It makes me wonder, why am I not wanting to settle down and start a family. I mean after all I am 27 years old and living in the top baby making state.

Is something wrong with me? I think I am just affraid, Honestly I dont trust anyone. Deep down I Dont believe love can last that long. And I would never want to be a single parent. Just because I love you now and melt when I see your smile and can shut my eyes and picture a life with you does not mean it will happen. Who knows where we will be in 1 year... 5 years... or 15 years. I am not even in a relationship where having children is a discusion. I guess I am just on the outside looking in and thinking "whats the whole fuss about?" I mean seriously are havinf kids so great. Parents... do you ever wish you could take a month off. Travel the world. Go shopping. Sleep through the night. Is being a parent really worth it? I know kids are a blessing, bla bla bla. I love all my friends kids. But I want to see the world. I want to go to museums, and art shows, I want to be able to buy a new pair of shoes when I want. I want to have alone time with my partner. I want to look sexy in a dress.

I guess if money was not a problem, and I had a loyal steady partner, and I could garentee my baby was a beautiful little genius with tan skin and light eyes... Then i would totally have a baby. I would even have two. lol.

According to a online quiz:
You are 67% ready for a baby!
You are in a situation where you could have a baby relatively comfortably in the relatively near future. Your situation in life is good and you are in a good position to welcome a new person into your life.

By the way... Dont freak out... I am just being funny, I am not actually thinking about having a baby :)

I am a Domestic Goddess!

Last night I made Spaghetti, asparagus, and garlic bread. After dinner I gave my man a back massage and we both went to bed very happy. This morning I baked banana bread from scratch and chopped vegetables in preparation for a hearty beef stew. Which will be warm and ready when Adam is done with school.

Wheres my gold star? I feel so empowered. I am cooking again. I like having someone to cook for. And I did it in heels.

Upgrades

After running into my snobby and bitchy ex-sister in-law this weekend It got me thinking. I have really upgraded my life in the last year. I went from being in an unhealthy marriage and at a job I hated. I thought I could make everything better and that it was temperary. Well it was. Choosing to leave the Hotel was the first step. On June 22nd 2010 I walked out on my stressful job and didnt look back. Well I do go back and visit every once in a while. Then my marriage went to shit and my awesome group of friends turned out to be just his friends, well except one. I didnt feel like I had any direction.

Its been over a year and I sorted out my friends that were taking advantage of my generosity. I I met a guy who was smart, funny, sexy, and so much fun. He really makes me feel good. And I dont feel held back. I can pursue my goals and not feel like I am being selfish. I found a better paying job that is a good fit for me. I am back around fashion and retail. I was promoted after only a few months and have even been featured on TV giving a fashion segment.

So basically:

work=good

love life=good

friends=good

and I get to see my parents in a few weeks. Yay! I have missed them so much.

Me on CW30's The Daily Dish

You must be a Masochist for falling for me

Take a chance:

I have been very pesamistic through out the last year. It is no lie that my marriage made me believe all men are liars and annd in-laws will be judmental brats. However somehow out of the blue in walks this great man. Now dont go telling him that I am saying this. But I really think he is sweet and I catch myself imagining my future with him in it. Dont worry I am not gonna run off and get engaded..... lol and if I do I would like a 5 year engagement... at least :)

Nah on a serious note.... I moved on a long time ago from my ex husband... but then was ppoled into a life of seriel dating and flings. I ran away the second a guy acted attached. I have thought about running this time. honestly it crosses my mind once a day. But some force keeps pulling me back. Maybe its those green eyes or his huge smile. I like this one. He is special. He treats me great and misses me and wants to be near me. And I hope he also imagines his future with me. I think we could have many adventures together.

What a great Monday night... this song was playing in my head.

You're so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil?
Could you be an angel?

Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating
Leaves my body glowing

They say, be afraid
You're not like the others
Futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don't understand you

[Pre-Chorus]
You're from a whole 'nother world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go
Lead me into the light

Kiss me, kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
Extraterrestrial

[Verse 2]
You're so supersonic
Wanna feel your powers
Stun me with your lasers
Your kiss is cosmic
Every move is magic

[Pre-Chorus]
You're from a whole 'nother world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go
Lead me into the light

[Chorus]
Kiss me, kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
Extraterrestrial

[Bridge]
This is transcendental
On another level
Boy, you're my lucky star

I wanna walk on your wave length
And be there when you vibrate
For you I'll risk it all
All

[Chorus]
Kiss me, kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
Extraterrestrial

Extraterrestrial
Extraterrestrial

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
Extraterrestrial

Dating myself

I am devoting the summer to being single, or as I am calling it "Dating Myself". Until a man can say this quote from Breakfast at tiffiny's and change my mind that is





"...You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."

The laws of Attraction

http://www.livescience.com/7023-rules-attraction-game-love.html

I was reading an article about the laws of attraction, and it made me think about what attracts me.

Lets begin with scent.... Aqua Di Gio

Or as I like to call it "Oh God! Take me home now!"

Everytime a man walks by wearing Aqua Di Gio I instantly think of sex. He seems more attractive and sexy. He could be the biggest nerd and Aqua Di Gio will make him seem sensual.

Now when it comes to body shape I don't prefer the cover of mens health magazine. I want him to be fit of course with NO fake tan. The 2 sexiest parts of a males body are"



1 - his back. I love being able to see muscles defined in the back. Broud shoulders and a slim waist... mm mm mm

2 - the lines that dirrect from the pelvis to his penis. I dont think I need to say why, buy it is very inviting.

Now I have always been attracted to interesting faces. Crooked smiles, shaggy hair, slightly larger than average noses. There are so many people that look alike in this world that I want the one that looks different. Lets dive into my past and take a look at my celebrity crushes:

fallling

I guess I didn't notice i was lonley. I was surrounded by people most of the time. Dates, friends, coworkers I had plenty to do and lots of people to talk to. I had an average of 2 dates a week. Met cute new boys almost every weekend. The dates were fun. New restaurants are always exciting. However I got bored with the same conversations:"where are you from? Did you go to college? Bla bla bla". I was looking for something and was not finding it. Its sad when you are more excited to get a new message from a guy online who you have never met than a guy you are on a date with. I found myself in that situation. I wanted more. I wanted to be stimulated mentally and physically. I wanted to be blown away by someones intellect and have the type of attraction where I can't keep my hands off them. So I will try one more time. I agreed to a date with Mr. Online. First impression; skinny white guy nerd with tattoos. However, the more we talked and I starred into those amazing color changing eyes I was impressed. He is smart, cute, funny, sweet. Oh God listen to me. I sound like a sappy little school girl with a crush. This is not like me. Men have been talking penisis for the last 9 months. Things I can use and throw away. I had an instant respect for Mr. Online. And I wanted his respect in return. And now after 4 days of awesomeness, I can't wait to see him again. Could this be the one that breaks my bachlorette dating cycle? I mean after all.... It only took a short time with him to make me forget all the other guys in my life.

I invented the best drinking game ever!

Pants-Off-Dance-Off

Rules





Any time during a night of drinking and shenanigans a participant can challenge an opponent with the phrase

“pants off dance off”.



If the challenged person (I don’t mean retarded) refuses to drop their trousers they must take a shot.



If the challenged person excepts then the challenger must take a shot and both participants have to drop their pants and dance. It must be for a minimum of 2 minutes. If you feel like continuing past 2 minutes dancing with you pants down by all means go ahead, just be aware other people have the right to post pictures on facebook if you do.

Took a relationship quiz and it said....

Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. Your answer pattens suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times.





Sounds pretty accurate to me. Now if I can just frind someone who wants this too.

How did I get here?

There grew a distance between us

I let the beast get the better of me

First I was your hammock

Swaying your troubled life to an ease

Taking your stress into my hands

Always there to pick you up

I was proud to be your rock

Honored to be the shoulder you cried on

But the gratitude didn’t come

Disrespect spewed from your mouth

Is this the thanks you are bestowing on me

Would my effort mean anything if I just sat by and watched you tear your life down again

I care too much for that

But yet the beast that has been inside me

And has used its strength to keep you safe

And it at last is tired

So this is where we part

You bit the hand that fed you

And this beast bites back

Did it teach you anything

I hope so

I hope you have learned to stand on your own feet

I hope all my help was not in vain

Go forth and be happy

Don’t put up with bull shit

Don’t let him hurt you

I am walking away

Allowing the distance to grow between us

I cannot watch

I cannot support

This beast has a heart

And its heart is broken

butterflies and sex toys

Being single this time around is harder. Maybe because I have never been a single adult for long, but for some reason... fear most likely.... I am taking my sweet time. Honestly I get freaked out when a guy wants to cuddle and hold my hand. Offer me sweet kisses and introduce me to his family. I am more comfortable when he just wants to buy me a drink, play pool, and make out. Lets not talk about a future together or become boyfriend and girlfriend. Lets just enjoy each others company. Lets just be adventure seekers together. But I must warn all you men... If you get too close I will most likely run away and leave you wondering what you did wrong.

Its been a long time since someone made me want to risk heartbreak of my own. I had a sorta steady man in my life previously blogged about. And we had a great non-committal relationship. The only real problem between us is that we are both busy. When we make time for each other it is great and so much fun.

I had a great date last night. Honestly I was intending on playing with and walking away from him just like all my other recent dates. But I found myself smiling like a goof all day at work. And couldn't wait to hang out with him again. Its not love at first sight... Its just hope. This is proof that I am heeled from the stupid walk-out husband. I have been over the marriage for a long long time now, but now I believe I deserve happiness and companionship. So my eyes are open. Although I still don't feel like holding hands.... is that weird. Hand holding is scarier than sex ha ha ha. Good thing I took a vow of celibacy til June 1st... so I can clear my head and stop treating men like toys.

Does good come from god?

It is my personal belief that actions become evil when they involve violating or taking away rights from another human being. I believe you can be as cruel to yourself as you want but when you are cruel to another person it becomes morally wrong. I did not learn this by reading any religious writing, but by my own human experience and interactions. Like all animals we strive to survive and succeed in our society. There will always be animals that step on each other to reach the top, and animals that are satisfied in the middle, and animals that push others to the top expecting nothing in return. We are but a complicated species with billions of personality trait combinations that effect the way we treat ourselves and the people around us. Religion is a good guide for most, but not needed for all humankind to live a compassionate life. Some already have it in them, and some will never have it.

Lets have a toast for the douchebags

Life is overwhelming.

i dont feel like I am supposed to be here.

Here in this boring town, this red state.

Going through the motions.

Day after day.

I wanted to get away this weekend. Escape from everything that is making me crazy. i have been keeping this anguish inside for far too long. usually I just run away. Oregon, California, Utah, North Carolina, etc. They are all the same. i get bored of the news on TV. Bored with the suburbs around me. I need life. A colorful life. Filled with good food, music, dance, passion, and tradition. I want to be surrounded by people who believe life is more than graduating high school to go to college to meet a spouse to go into debt buying a picture perfect house to wear a suit to work long hours to buy that new car and bla bla bla.

I dont want any of that. I dont care. Never have.

For the past three days I took off work. Hoping, planning to do something fun. I have told all my friends almost a month in advance. I really needed this. I needed to laugh. To find a bit of joy to keep me holding on to this stupid city. I love my friends. I knew they could make feel better.

But where are they. night one: I am alone, night two: I am alone, and now I sit on night three. i have called, texts, and reached out all weekend. I just need someone to talk to.

The last time i posted feelings like this I was soon approached by many guilty conscious people. I am still waiting on that lunch by the way. Whatever. I know you life doesn't revolve around me. But all I was asking for was one afternoon or one evening. 4 hours of your precious life.

I am happy to know I am worth it.

_______________________________________________________

One day I will disappear

you will wake up and I will be gone

I will be having an adventure

and my life will be full of color

sick ramblings

I am going to attempt to write a blog while enjoying my cold medicine.

I have no food that falls into the breakfast catagory. I am hungry. I dont even have soy milk for cereal or malt o meal. But I do have a nutrageous. yum. When I am sick I tend to make poor decicions. I went to the store and bought a red velvet cake in the shape of a boob. I ate it all. yum. I dont want to eat soup, cause thats what I will have that for lunch.

Theres nothing good on TV.

I wish I had Ice Cream. My favorive ice cream flavor was Dreyers Dremery Carmal Toffee Bar Heaven. But a few years ago it disapereared. I miss it. Actually my favorite ice cream is really a gelato. mm mm mm Pistatio. I need to go find some food. And get healthier.

I didn't know I would want you back

After a big change of direction in a persons life it is easy to stray until you find a new path. When Spencer and I separated the last thing I wanted was another relationship. Sure I wanted companionship and sexual satisfaction. And I have found those are the easy things to find. I began a casual relationship with someone I used to work with. We enjoyed each others company. There was no pressure to plan a future. But that can only last so long. And after a couple of months we became exclusive. It was still fun and satisfying... if you know what I mean :) But I got scared. Was he just a rebound? Am I really ready for a new relationship? Should I be dating around? After all I am rarely single and have a habit of jumping from one long relationship to another. So we broke up. And two months went by filled with first dates and new men. He found a girlfriend which meant the casual enjoyment of his company was not an option. I will leave a few details out of my story to spare the feelings of a 20 year old virgin girl. But we hung out and the spark was back. He was never a rebound.... I am ready to only be with one man.... and I only have the interest of dating him. What the fuck happened. The girl so happy to live the single life is willing to give up the flirting for free drinks and expensive first dates for one guy. He must be pretty special. Ok we are taking things slow. The smart thing to do. The best thing... is there is no outside influence on us telling us how to live. No in-laws secretly judging you and talking trash behind your back. Its only us. But don't expect to see me change my facebook status anytime soon. I like having a little privacy. He knows... and I know. And I AM REALLY HAPPY!