Life is overwhelming.
i dont feel like I am supposed to be here.
Here in this boring town, this red state.
Going through the motions.
Day after day.
I wanted to get away this weekend. Escape from everything that is making me crazy. i have been keeping this anguish inside for far too long. usually I just run away. Oregon, California, Utah, North Carolina, etc. They are all the same. i get bored of the news on TV. Bored with the suburbs around me. I need life. A colorful life. Filled with good food, music, dance, passion, and tradition. I want to be surrounded by people who believe life is more than graduating high school to go to college to meet a spouse to go into debt buying a picture perfect house to wear a suit to work long hours to buy that new car and bla bla bla.
I dont want any of that. I dont care. Never have.
For the past three days I took off work. Hoping, planning to do something fun. I have told all my friends almost a month in advance. I really needed this. I needed to laugh. To find a bit of joy to keep me holding on to this stupid city. I love my friends. I knew they could make feel better.
But where are they. night one: I am alone, night two: I am alone, and now I sit on night three. i have called, texts, and reached out all weekend. I just need someone to talk to.
The last time i posted feelings like this I was soon approached by many guilty conscious people. I am still waiting on that lunch by the way. Whatever. I know you life doesn't revolve around me. But all I was asking for was one afternoon or one evening. 4 hours of your precious life.
I am happy to know I am worth it.
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One day I will disappear
you will wake up and I will be gone
I will be having an adventure
and my life will be full of color
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