My Color

“Stick with your own color”
Said the angry black man on the train
Peeking over my shoulder at the photo of me and my Caucasian lover on my phone

My own color?
Aren’t we all just different shades of the same color
Lets break it down
My mother is white
Her grey eyes sparkle with tears because she feels all the pain in the world bottled up in her big heart
Beware she will hug you
She will feed you
And before she ever meets you
She will love you

Is she my color?
After all she is my mother

My father is a black man from Brooklyn
He preaches rock and roll and encourages you to follow your dreams
He hasn’t let a brain injury slow him down
He has an inner strength balanced with his cool Jamaican roots
He will find the silver lining and rub it til its gold

Is he my color?
Well he is my father

No
I am not white
I am not black
I am a piece of every person in my life
They mix in me
They blend so perfectly
They breathe color into my lungs through their compassion and strength

So thank you to the angry black man on the train
I will take your advice
Lucky for me everyone is my color

Lemonade

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade
But what about when life gives you shit and takes everything away

Here, have a love so strong and blissful
Sing those happy songs
Whistle while you work
Cause soon it will be gone
Like a headline train wreck I will break your plans
I will crush your love and leave you all alone

What? No lemonade?

When life gives me shit and I pray the end is near
Googleing, how many Ambien does it take to end this fear
that’s when I make the sweetest lemonade you will ever taste
Secret ingredient?
Blood, sweat, and tears

And I will crawl up
I will kneel up
I will stand
And doing so I realize standing is all I have
Shaking like a baby learning to walk
And I will shine
I will go on
I will make a new path

I triple dog dare you
Try to knock me down
My roots are stronger now
My legs don’t shake no more
This is human strength in its pure form

How’s that for lemonade?

Mutual Earthquake

What did you do to me?
Last night
From the outside everything looked ordinary
Last night
How did you make my back arch and my hands grip your skin?
How did you make my thighs squeeze like a champagne cork?

I should apologize for biting your shoulder
Like I did
I should apologize to my neighbors for waking them
With my screams

I don’t remember how we started
But the end is so clear I can still feel you surging through my veins
Our tangled limbs
Our mixed sweat
We earthquaked together
My feet up
Our eyes wide

We laid there lingering
Stunned

I don’t know what you did to me
Last night
But can you do it again?

This Article Was Published In The SLCC Newspaper - The Globe

http://www.slccglobelink.com/community/sanity-or-fear-rally-in-slc-1.2395643

Sanity or Fear rally in SLC

On October 30, 2010, many gathered at the southeast side of the City Library to witness Jon Stewart restoring sanity and Stephen Colbert trying to keep fear alive. The cold morning didn't stop supporters from coming. As time passed, more and more people showed up. The RSVP closed at 1224 on the Facebook page according to Samantha Jones, one of the 12 organizers and an SLCC student.

"The final police head count was between 350 and 400," said Jones.

Kelli Lundgren, one of the leading members, greeted and thanked everyone for coming to be a part of something so important. Lundgren said, "Jon Stewart inspired all of us." Lundgren also noted that televising this event outside was much "trickier…but it gets the spirit going."

Bijan J. Hosseini, one of the organizers, began the rally by stating the rules in order to keep the mood light and easy. One of the rules was to end your discussions with a handshake.

"If you are feeling a bit frisky, maybe a hug," Hosseini added.

Hosseini who is also a former SLCC student had a good feeling about the rally. His message to everyone is, "Don't expect change to come every four years."

People were willing to donate by buying stickers and t-shirts; 100 t-shirts and 50 stickers were sold at the rally. A total of $4300 was raised in donations. $3300 was used to pay for the event at the library such as tables, audio, television, etc. $1000 will be used for the Trust for the National Mall, the same place Jon Stewart's donations are going to.

The 12 best signs were printed and distributed for people to parade around. Among the winners were, "I like tea, with a civilized discourse," "The left wing is as yummy as the right wing, just ask KFC," and "I like tea, but not enough to party about it." Others made their own signs, one being "Fighting doesn't belong in parties, only in marriages."

Rena Benton, a rally attendee, clicked on the link to the Facebook page about the rally at meetup.com, which is a website for people to participate in activities of common interest. She also spread the word about the rally and had a couple of friends join her at the library. She believed that this rally was the most placid rally she's ever attended. Benton wrote her own sign reading, "Against gay marriage? Don't have one."

"People shouldn't be so concerned with their neighbors' life style if it's not affecting their own," Benton said.

The amount of kids at the rally surprised Jones. She took both of her children believing it's a good idea to make kids aware of the issues happening in the US.

Despite being thrown in a short period of time, Jones views the event as a success.

"In the short amount of time we had to plan it, everyone came together and got things done that never would have been possible for just one person. We appreciate every person that helped out with organizing or attended the rally," Jones said.

Stop being afraid

Scatter Brainz

Scouting
Its been over a year since I was a model scout, and now that I am back into it I am remembering a few things. First 80% of the women in salt lake are too short for modeling. I see a pretty face walking closer to me but then BAM! she is 5'2". As I am walking around a mall or outside the jazz game I realized how creepy I must look. I stand there alone checking out women. I love it when their boyfriends catch me looking at their girls. But overall it is fun and I do enjoy it.

Work
Today when I was on my break at work I could not stop thinking about how great the women I work with are. So positive and encouraging. I really am blessed to have found this job. My attitude in the beginning was "its just retail" "I cant learn anything new" "the pay is not that great". But the truth is after my husband abandonment I did allot of self evaluating. I made a list of what I wanted to work on. Being kinder, not being afraid to express my feelings, not believing everyone is out to get me, and show compassion. Well I am not perfect and am still working on it, but I knew I had to leave the Radisson Hotel after 3 years of negative energy it really got to me. I was bitter, angry, and felt I couldn't trust anyone. Now I like the Rena I am becoming. I smile more. I unburied the part of me that cares about everyone. With a despite of your...'whatever'... kind of love.

mmm mmm mmm stew

Winter is almost here. I wanted to share my hearty homemade beef stew recipe, a Rena original

1 cup mushrooms
1 lbs cubed beef
2 tbs tomato paste
2 tbs olive oil
1 cup pearl onions
¾ cup sliced carrots
¾ cup sliced celery
2 tbs all purpose flour
Organic beef broth


Sauté mushrooms in olive oil
Remove mushrooms from pan
Brown cubed beef in same pan (leave beef a little pink inside)
In crock pot mix
Cooked beef, tomato paste , olive oil, flour, carrots, onions, and celery.
Add broth until desired thickness (the flour will make it thicken up)
Cook for 30 minutes
Add mushrooms
Cook for 30 more minutes

Enjoy J

Movies that have moved me

My Top 5 Favorite Movies Of All Time and Why

5. Lars And The Real Girl


Ryan Gosling plays a man that is socially awkward and becomes delusioned when he buys an anatomically correct doll. What amazed me about this movie was the way the writer created the reactions in his small town. When they learn of his delusion the choose to support him and go along with his fantasy instead of shunning his family. This film reveals what is missing in our society now, love, support, and compassion.
















4. In America



This movie follows a family that illegally immigrated from Ireland to start a new life. It is narrated by the 11 year daughter and she brings a fresh perspective on living in this country. Its amazing what can happen in one year in America. This movie will make you feel grateful for every day even during the hard times.




3. Children Of Men


With the longest innovative single-shot action sequence it is a visual dream. The story is beautiful set in a dirty and violent backdrop of the near future. After all the women in the world went infertile and the youngest human (18) died Theo discovers a pregnant refugee and is given the task to deliver her to safety. Scenes in this movie might break your heart but it leaves you with a sense of hope stronger than you have ever felt.



2. The Fifth Element

Its not often that an action movie makes any ones top movie list, but I just love this action packed quirky love story. Underneath the hover car chases and choreographed fight scenes there is a message about the importance of life and in the end the only thing strong enough to fight off true evil is love.











1. Dancer In The Dark

Bjorks portrayal of a Czech immigrant working in a factory in the US and suffering from a eye disease that is taking her eyesight. She slips in and out of reality with elaborate fantasies with music and dance. This movie digs deep in your emotions and builds slowly. The last 10 minutes of this film will blow your mind and make you cry as you are filled with strong empathy and compassion for the human spirit.




















Other movies that make my favorite list are:

Lost In Translation
Breakfast At Tiffany's
About A Boy
The Big Lebowski
A Bronx Tale
Garden State
Igby Goes Down
The Shawshank Redemption
Pieces Of April
The Namesake


If you haven't seen these movies I recommend watching them and let me know what you thought.

Somethings Last A Lifetime

your picture, is still, on my wall, on my wall
the colors, are bright, bright, as ever
the red is strong, the blue is true,
somethings, last, a long time
somethings, last, a long time
your picture, is still, on my wall, on my wall
i think, about you, often, often,
i cant forget, all the things we did
somethings, last, a long time
somthings, last, a long time
its funny, but its true, and its true, its not funny
time comes and goes, all the while,
i, still, think, of you
somethings, last, a long time
your picture, is still, on my wall, on my wall
the colors, are bright, bright, as ever,
i, cant forget, all the things we did,
somethings, last, a longtime,
somethings, last, a lifetime.

The Fast Life

Your feet hit the ground
You are running again
Running from yourself
Its easy when you don’t know who you are

Your destination unknown
Every place is just the same anyway
All the people believe the same lies
No one will miss you when you leave this space
And your footprints will soon fade

Run faster now
Life seems to be flying by
Keep up now
Or each year is just one step
One step closer to death

Go ahead and lose your faith
You never had it anyway
And when you stop searching for a sense of belonging
Stop feeling like a stray cat
You will find yourself
And then
Only then
Should you stop running

Kiss With A Fist

you hit me once
i hit you back
you gave a kick
i gave a slap
you smashed a plate
over my head
then i set fire to our bed

My black eye casts no shadow
your red eye sees no pain
your slaps don't stick
your kicks don't hit
so we remain the same
blood sticks and
sweat drips
break the lock if it don't fit
a kick in the teeth is good for some
a kiss with a fist is better than none
a-woah a kiss with a fist is better than none

broke your jaw once before spilt your blood upon the floor
you broke my leg in return
sit back and watch the bed burn
well love sticks sweat drips
break the lock if it don't fit
a kick in the teeth is good for some
a kiss with a fist is better than none
a-woah a kiss woth a fist is better than none

My Dog Days Are Over

Every now and then a song comes along that feels straight out of my mind and it perfectly expresses the changes in my life. Florence and the Machine has done this. Maybe its because I have recently started a new path in my life and feel like I am running. Running from your family and friends and running from love. After all if you cant take it with you if want to survive.

Lyrics to Dog Days Are Over :
Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

And i never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Before you put your hands up and cheer...

Last night I went to a Hip Hop concert at the Urban Lounge in Salt Lake City. My awkwardness aside for wearing cowboy boots I was not fumillar with the music by Dead Prez. I have only heard their name but had no clue what there music was like.

I went with an open mind. After all, I can dance to anything with a beat. Being in Utah it came as no surprise that majority of the crowd was caucation. But that shouldn't matter. And it didnt... at first. You see, it has nothing to do with race, but everything to do will paying attention to what people say before you follow them. Dead Prez took the stage. The crowd went wild. After about 3 songs I began to notice a theme. EVERY song made a reference to white people. White people having power, controling the world, and keeping black peole down. Meanwhile all the white people in the crowd are cheering. Putting there fists up when Dead Prez make a reference to Black Panthers. What the fuck?!?! I am sorry white people, but YOU CANT JOIN THE BLACK PANTHERS! I was shocked. Was I the only one hearing the lyrics.


To Prove I am not making this up... here are some sample lines from their lyrics:

Hiding in the corridor until we see the dominos car headlights/White boy in the wrong place at the right time

Who shot biggy smalls if we dont get them they gonna get us all
Im down for runnin on them crackers in they city hall

Everywhere the white man go he bring misery
All throughout history, look it up
Everything them bald heads touch they fuck it up
Every government he set up, it be corrupt

Anyway. You decide. Does this sound right? or should people pay attention to lyrics more when they choose who to be a fan of?

This is just for fun, I thought it was funny.

giving up the gun

Your sword's grown old and rusty
Underneath the rising sun
It's locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it's done
And though its been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
Now you’re giving up the gun

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My dating profile..... I am so sick of facebook popping up with ads for dating sites. But it got me thinking. What would I say? One ad asked.... What would be your perfect date?
Well its been so long I didnt have an answer. The ex-husband stopped dating me after we got married. That is why I will never get married again... I will only date. So for those of you who wan to know... here is my answer....


I have an intimate relationship with food. I would like to go to a foreign food restaurant (indian, sushi, thai, or authentic Italian).
I am a huge movie buff and love seeing movies right when they come out. After the movie I like to discuss what the writer was feeling and what I felt watching it. I like to talk about politics, traveling, and sharing fun stories from my life.
I get kinda awkward in fine dining fancy places and prefer a chill restaurant and maybe a walk through the park. I love to walk around at night.

A fun fact

Nearly one-third of Texans believed that dinosaurs and humans roamed the earth at the same time. Yup.

Oh, and at least one Alaskan, as well (Palin).

How do you do?

Lately I have been watching Big Brother. The reality TV show that places people in a secluded house for months and they have to compete, vote each other off, and hope to win $500,000. Going back to the original reality show MTV's Real World there was always a role selected for each cast member. I always believed it was done in the editing room. They look for all the times one person got mad and make then the mean one. Or all the times someone cried and they are the sensitive one. The jock, the idiot, the bully, the bitch, the goody goody, the drunk, etc.
I began to wonder: Who would I be? I am Italian so I could be a hot head. I am a dork so I could be the clown. I also can be a huge flirt. Who am I? It makes me want to put a bunch of cameras up in my place (not the bedroom) and see how me and my friends act. Also now that I have a roommate it is more interesting.
-----------------------------------------
Its hard to admit to yourself that other people have an influence on your emotions. Because once you say it out loud. You shift the power and they could hurt you. The solution is also the problem. If you keep your guard up and don't let them in then you are safe... or are you? All you are really doing is hurting yourself and possibly missing the opportunity to have a wonderful romance. Ok, so you put yourself out there.... you admit to yourself how you feel and then confess to them, What if they don't want the same thing? Is it the end of the world? No. Does your 'enjoying each others company' have to end? No. It might be hard at first. Everyone just wants to be loved and appreciated, right? Rejection hurts. However this is not a true rejection. To quote one of my favorite movies, Love and Sex-

"Weirdos and creeps are single because they are weird and creepy. Normal people like us are single because we are victims of bad timing."

Learnign to be single

Not a new me.... but a me reborn

Picking yourself up after your world falls apart is never easy. I should be an expert by now. My life has crumbled to pieces too many times for me to count. This time was the cherry on top.


Leaving my stressful job only to have my husband leave me, and by doing so lose a huge chunk my family and closest friends. I have found myself with a blank slate as a life. But nothing is gonna keep me down. I feel like I have been invisible for 2 years and now people are starting to notice me. The ring came off and the men came flocking. Although the last thing I need right now is a serious relationship. Instead I need to be single for a while. I am never single. The truth is I am horrible at being single.



I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day and he said "Men are simple, all they need is food and sex." Food and Sex... really? Seams too easy. So he asked me what women want or to be more precise, what I want. I cant narrow it down to 2 things, but if I had to make a list it would look like:

• A love of food


• Sex


• A sense of adventure and spontaneity


• He should stand for something


• A slightly twisted sense of humor

Now that doesn't sound too unreasonable. I can narrow it down to 5 important things. I don't sound like a crazy women. Do I? In high school I had a list a page long. It said things such as : he must like pie and prefer dogs over cats. But as you grow up you realize the little things don't matter. Its good to have differences. Unless you are a narcissist and just want to date yourself. They always say opposites attract, and its true. I like a man I can learn from. He should have different hobbies and knowledge about the world I have yet to learn. And in return I have many useless facts, lots of entertaining stories, and an open mind. Wow getting into the mind-set that I am single is weird.

Never Take Us Alive

Sometimes I feel like I'm from another world,
And everything I want in life seems impossible.
People, they'll tear you apart,
But in the bottom of our hearts,
Our dreams alive inside,
We won't forget.

You can't break, can't change, can't take us down.
We stand, we'll fight, set fires all night;
You'll never take us alive.

For the last time I give myself to the enemy
By letting their words just walk all over me.
'Cause people, they'll tear you apart
If you are not like them,
And we are different.
Let the war begin.

You can't break, can't change, can't take us down.
We stand, we'll fight, set fires all night;
You'll never take us alive.

There's no fear inside;
This is our time, no giving up.
When we connect our hearts to our minds,
there's no stopping us.

You can't break, can't change, can't take us down.
We stand, we'll fight, set fires all night;
You'll never take us alive.